RANDOM QUOTES AND JOKES 

"Petrie, do not feel sad. It is all right. Many things cannot fly. Rocks, trees, sticks, Spike..."

"Flying is simple: Just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ? The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around,and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, and guns. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I thank." And the robot says... real slow, "So... is... ALABAMA... gonna... have...a... good...team...this ... year???"

“Whether you think you can or you can’t you’re probably right”

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
-- Harry Hill

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
-- Kathy Lette

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
-- Henry Youngman

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are. Robin Williams

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
-- (from Mork and Mindy)

I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.
-- Clint Eastwood (from Pink Cadillac, 1989 - John Eskow)